No Xzibit, I Won’t Pimp My Ride


So, it’s the early 2000s and drivers are pimping their rides left, right and centre. Then, the faze dies out and motorists stop fitting their cars with subwoofers and TV screens. But, ever the hipster, you’re looking to bring it back in a big way. You know? Like leather jackets and brogue boots. Plus, what’s the harm in adding a few modifications to a vehicle?

Well, the answer is a quite a lot of harm. As it turns out, Pimp my Ride may have been a hit TV show, but it wasn’t practical. Yep, apparently more than half the people who appeared complained after the fact.

And, it isn’t hard to see why when you take a look at the following. These are the reasons you should never listen to Xzibit. Unless, of course, he’s rapping about senseless violence.

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Not Road Legal

A TV screen or a massive sound system in the trunk of a car is one thing. A huge spoiler which blocks the driver’s view out of the rear of the window is another. The chances are you know the saying style over substance. Well, when it comes to modifying a car, drivers can lose all sense of practicality. Rather than keep it simple, the show taught people to go overboard for obvious reasons. People would never tune in if it were something they could do in their garage on a Sunday afternoon. Sadly, an over the top modification can land you in trouble with the police. Picture the scene. One minute you’re cruising down the street, and the next the 5-0 have got you in bracelets. No clarity of sound is worth a night in police custody.

Ruins The Resale Value

Although Mr Xzibit wanted you to think otherwise, pimping a ride is an objective task. In simple terms, there aren’t one-size fits all policies regarding style. Some drivers like a working arcade machine on the roof, while others prefer simple wheel trims. So, there is a chance a potential buyer won’t like your artistic input when it comes time to sell. And, you will have to sell because cars don’t last forever unless you have a Volvo. Then, it’ll probably become a family heirloom for generations. By adding extras, it lowers the chances of finding someone who is willing to buy a glorified clown car. Even Krusty from The Simpson’s may think twice.

It’s Expensive

The fact that you won’t be able to find a buyer isn’t the only kick in the crown jewels. The real knife between the ribs is the amount it costs to pimp a ride in the first place. Car extras don’t come cheap, especially when they are super extravagant. So, if you commit to the process, you should be prepared to spend a fortune. There are ways to do it on the cheap, yet there are features which are extortionate too. When you factor in the resale value, the ordeal is pointless. Yes, the car may or may not look the part when the refurbishment is complete. However, it will break the bank and you won’t recoup any of the costs. No one needs an investment manager to tell them it’s a bad deal.

Hard To Drive

One factor motorists don’t consider is the impact on the car. Adding features to a vehicle is bound to increase the weight at the very least. In extreme circumstances, it can mess with the handling, acceleration and fuel-efficiency. Okay, going a bit slower is not much of a price to pay, but fuel consumption is, literally. Any geek with a clipboard will concur that extra weight means an increase in fuel. Apparently, it’s basic science. But, there are more sinister forces at play than gravity and aerodynamics. Actual reports detail previous guests getting involved in accidents and seeking legal advice as a result. Now, you may think you can drive, and your licence agrees. Still, there is a difference between driving an everyday Toyota Prius and a freight truck.

Insurance & Warranty Problems

Savvy motorists like to include a long-term warranty in the deal and find cheap insurance. You want to pimp your ride, but it doesn’t mean you’re not a bargain hunter. It’s called being a human being! Sadly, both the warranty and the insurance policy are based on standard vehicles. Not to be rude, but a modification is a bit weird in the eyes of dealers and insurance companies. Don’t shoot the messenger because that’s their words, by the way. Therefore, it isn’t uncommon for them to take action and avoid the agreement. Ever one to wriggle out of a deal, lots of people have gotten burned by a loophole. And, it’s a potentially costly and life-threatening scenario. Not only will they not cover the costs of any repairs, but your medical insurance may not pick up the bill. Is Dr Dre hydraulics worth your health? It’s not an easy question to answer, but the answer is HELL NAH.

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Shorter Life Expectancy

Manufacturers test their parts extensively and put them through rigorous analysis. So, when the cars hit the road, all the mod cons are safe and reliable. The average life expectancy of the parts, then, can reach anywhere between three to five years and longer. And, if a piece does break, it’s only one and easy to replace. Modifications aren’t the same because the parts are gimmicks which aren’t meant to last. After all, the novelty wears off after a while. Number one: the car is likely to break down sooner. Number two: when it does, a replacement part will be hard to find. Should everything fail at once, you will be up a famous creek without a paddle. Resisting the temptation to pimp your ride can save you a fortune in time and money. Anyway, retro motors are in vogue nowadays.

Last but not least, don’t forget about your membership for the car lovers’ community. Oh, you didn’t hear? Sorry, but they voted and they don’t accept ostentatious cars any longer. God, what with the cost and police attention, it never rains but it pours.


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About Sean Mackay

Sean writes about cars, golf and events going on in British Columbia, Canada. He is also the editor for The Automotive Review - an automotive publication bringing a West Coast flavour to its editorials.
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